The Twins.

It was dark, i had a sense of anxiety but i entered the room anyway.

He seems nice but there was that look in his eyes, that look that i hve seen so many times but failed to recognize it as if I was looking through another set of eyes but still conscious of the feeling somewhere deep within my soul.

He told me not to worry and that he wanted to show me around. I trusted him, on the surface I trusted him but deep inside I knew something was off.

I looked around and noticed a mirror, i looked and was shocked to see someone else looking back at me. Not only did I share her body I also shared her thoughts and feelings was still conscious of my own soul.

She was young, probably around the age of 16. Still emotionally vulnerable, something in my 30 years i have learned to put a wall around brick by brick over the years.

He knew she was vulnerable.

I started to notice the discrepancy in the house, although the house was exquisite on the surface, the horror was in the details.

The walls were covered in beautiful paintings and art but i noticed that in these spaces the walls also seemed to have noise reduction foam put up in a way that many people wouldn’t see it.

She didn’t notice, even though my legs kept walking and i felt her still trusting him I was screaming on the inside.

He left the room and came back after a short moment. What is different about him, something has changed but i can’t put my finger on it.

He laughed and lead me even further into his fortress. The house was full of marble and the floors were so beautifully cold.

As we walked from room to room diving deeper into the mansion I recognized that the doors were getting thicker and thicker. They were made of steel or some type of impenetrable metal. The type of doors you only see i n the movies or at the bank deposit box room.

He would leave the room and come back and i felt weird about how he would enter back into the room, something about him changed each time. I couldn’t  understand and became dizzy while it happened. He would leave through one door and enter back into the room through another. Laughing and taunting me in a way. Disorienting me to the point that i didnt knoe what door we entered from or which way we came from.


I felt even more uneasy, he talked to me so confidently that i didnt know how to feel.

He started coming closer and closer, i turned around and looked over toward the side of the room at a balcony and realized I was at least 5 stories up.

I turned back around and was shocked to see two of then standing there.

I felt their hatred for me at that moment, they looked at me as if they felt I was prey. They had been playing with my head the entire time, noe i knew why i felt he changed.

They switched places over and over and were doing this as a sick game.

I started hearing their sick thoughts of torture and horrible sexual ideas.

Things I could ever imagine doing to another human being. They wanted to kill me in unimaginable ways and do it slowly. Fingernail by fingernail, hair by hair, limb by limb.

They looked at me with the same face I hve seen in other dreams. I was their prey and they were apex predators.

I felt her fears and i felt her dispair, i didn’t have control throughout the dream but i walked with her through the scariest moment in her life. I shared her thoughts and her desires.

We backed up slowly, my soul paralyzed inside of her. I felt her fear turn into powerlessness and i knew at that moment, a split second decision would end their thoughts of killing us In the way they have done so many other young women before her.

We leaped off the balcony head first with our arms on our side and fell to the ground to the rocks and trees below. I looked down as we fell and felt the ground coming closer faster. Until I felt my neck crack so violently and felt my body flop the other direction beside me as I saw a flash of light and a million stars. My body was as hot as fire and i knew that i had to get up and run but i knew she was dead.

I felt my soul fly from her body at this point as I heard the twin brothers laugh at what happened.

A sinister laugh that can only remind you of two demons.

They ran down toward the girls body.

I was already flying through the sky until I saw a house a few miles away. I could see the porch lights in the distance glowing under a cool night sky.

I flew down to her house and banged on her door as I walked in i had a flashback. It didn’t make sense at the time but after I truly woke up from this dream I understand why I was shown the flashback.

It was the young girl in the house of  social worker, she had tried to run from the man before because she felt something wasn’t right. But one of the brothers showed back up with the adoption papers and had everything necessary to take her back, even unwillingly.

This had been planned and they had legality to do so.

It was in a region of America that had beautiful mountains and the brothers were the epitome of wealth.

This dream has stayed with me for a month. I figured I would publish it here and continue to try to research to find something about wealthy twin brothers who could be capable of doing such horrible things.


I couldn’t tell what year it was, and i dont even remember her name. She will stay with me forever, as we shared her death.



Life review of a friend

I have a friend and his mother recently passed away with cancer.

She was very spiritual so it doesn’t surprise me she reached out but its scary and concerning why she did.

In the dream she was showing me her sons life from his age now and it went on pretty quickly showing another year every second that went by. I watched him wither away and become very I’ll with what I thought was a muscle issue. He lost all use of his body and eventually his brain.

She made me come with her and bring him on two planes to a specialist in another country that was in the process of doing a study on many patients with a similar illness.

She was very clear in her message and the dream was VERY vivid that it was fresh on my mind as I woke up.

I woke up and called my sister immediately, this is her ex boyfriend.

She goes on to tell me that his older brother passed away from muscle distraphy.

He went through the same illness I watched my friend go through in the dream.

Its as if he knew something was wrong but didn’t do anything about it until it was too late.

The spiritual connected we have with others in our dreams is unknown by many but if we open our minds we are able to connect in ways that are incredible.

Thankfully my nightmares have been very limited lately but I have had some very eye opening experiences I am going to continue to share.

I am back.


I haven’t written in a while.

so much has happened in my life.

I wanted to continue to write my dreams.

last night I had a very vivid dream.


I was at a house. it had multiple stories. it was cold and snowing, I was there with what seemed to be friends. They seemed to be friends until this happened,

we were outside it was  cold    and dreary,  we saw a beautiful mother deer with her fawn attached to it at the hip. the leg somehow was entangled in the side of the mothers skin.

one of the guys I was with decided to go to the deer and pull the fawns leg from the mothers.

the man who did this was someone I considered close in the dream.

the fawns leg was ripped from the side of the mother and the leg was profusely bleeding… the mother and fawn were calling to eachother. they couldn’t get close. I was so upset and crying and it seemed no one cared what was going on. one girl through a puppy from the roof, I felt like I was surrounded by psychopaths.

the baby deer was running helplessly leaving a long trail of blood behind its waking terror.

we couldn’t get ahold of a vet in time. I knew that the baby deer was going to die and the mother was going to be heartbroken for the rest of the stags life.


ive only done a small amount of research on what this could mean, I would love to hear an interpretation from someone else.

a deer in a dream is supposed to mean a spiritual awakening,

my mother and myself were ripped away from eachother spiritually because she was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I have felt uncomfortable ever since..


gods laws. a past life dream.


this dream took place a very very long time ago, all the men were dressed in colonial type clothing and so was i.. i believe my father in the dream  was on a ship on the way to the states. in the dream i was the captains daughter. im not sure if i was on any voyage because no women were on the ships but i knew that i was on it at one point or another, it would flip back and forth from memory to reality like in a movie. i knew that in the dream my father had died. he was the captain of a ship and was a spiritual and important man. he followed certain laws pertaining to the way he believed god wanted things to be. i remember being a child and he was sitting infront of me. hair long and face unshaven. he had wavy grey hair and seemed very rough just like i would picture a captain of a ship back in those times. i do not remember every law he told me but it was something like. if you have property and it floats away (he used the term float) then it wasn’t yours anymore and you are not to take from other people. you treated others the way you wanted to be treated and shared the land with everyone. he told me that the land gave us everything we needed that god will provide for us if we did the right thing and he provided for our family and his father and his father and so on. if we kept those laws and helped our fellow brothers and sisters and did the right thing we would have everything we need. i remember looking at a necklace, it was in the shape of a heart. i believe it was made out of shell and had gold letters inscribed into it. it was of great significance to me and i knew in the dream that it was from my father. the memories of him telling me the laws must have been when i was a child because in the dream, at that point i knew that my father had just passed away. in the dream there was other men on board who were trying to take over and change the way the laws worked. in my mind i remembered what my father had taught me but i also knew that times were changing and that there were men on board that wanted to make their own laws and make it their ship. i was sitting in my room on the ship, it smelled salty and was dark burgundy wood in the room. there was a bed and a dresser and chest across the bed. i remember hanging the necklace off of the side of the small night stand and watching it sway back and forth, back and forth while i thought about my father and the memories of the laws of the land, the laws of god.

i know that my family immigrated from spain and came over on one of the ships like the mayflower. i am not quite sure which one. but i know that this is how my rare blood type o negative came to the states. the nina the pinta and the santa maria.

im interested on which ones and will do more research to see if i can find some specifics. and i will post what i find.

i would consider this a past life dream.

keeper of the night

this dream happened right after the dream of the fiery red-head that kept trying to force me under the carpet by my hair and ears. she was laughing at me and telling me how bad of a person that i am and just trying to make me feel really bad. she kept trying to force me into the ground.. to have that dream and then have another of this nature, and then a reading about deceit, it made me very aware of my surroundings. for this I am thankful to have warning dreams, even though they are difficult sometimes.

I had a dream about this guys house he was supposed to be decorating for Halloween. He had fallen asleep and didn’t set an alarm and woke up late. we woke him up and went outside to help him along. while outside I started to notice a camera flashing, one of the guys I was with said oh! its her again! it was this little girl taking pictures of me, I asked her to come over so I could see what she was taking pictures of.. in her camera was a bunch of gruesome pictures from Halloween decorations and a bunch of pictures of me from different times. it was odd, because it was taken on different days, i was in different outfits.. i got a weird and uncomfortable feeling by it like she was using it for the wrong reasons, i am not sure what, but something about the situation made me very unsure of her and what was going on.  I woke up after that, I felt as though I was possibly either being stalked or might get into a situation that a female was going to try to take advantage of me or do something that would hurt me in some way.

the next day…

i had a woman pull tarot cards on a website. they were numbered one through three and we were supposed to pick the one that popped out to us the most. number two popped out , i didn’t even see the one and three it was as if the number 2 flew out at me. when she did the reading it was the card of DECEIT, that someone is deceiving me. the reading basically stated that i needed to be aware that someone who i knew could be doing something to hurt me. i needed to watch my back and keep an eye out for someone who doesn’t have my best intentions in mind.

i went through people in my mind to try to figure out who could be deceiving me, i couldn’t think of anyone but a few days later the dream made sense. i was put in a situation that i could have been taken advantage of by a female who i tried to help.

i have been having some pretty bad nightmares about a women, the fiery red-head.  she is trying to haunt me and in the dream it seems that she is trying to control me and take advantage of me.  in the dream we were in my bedroom she came to me very violently and started to grab me by my ears and my hair. she was yelling at me and cursing at me and laughing at me like i did something wrong. in a few other posts i have written about Lilith before i knew who she was. she was the first woman who god made, she was made equally to Adam, by the same earth that Adam was made of. the story goes that Adam wanted her to be submissive toward him and she didn’t want that so she became angry and gained power by screaming the hebrew name for GOD. all of a sudden she FLEW TO THE HEAVENS. god sent angels to find her to bring her back to Adam and she didn’t want to go back. she was angry and went and hid into the night and became what they say is a night demon she was basically the keeper of the night and named all of the animals of the night. she felt comfortable at night and honestly i have similar attributes as she does.. i am not sure what the truth is about her but i believe that she has been demonized by Christianity. in the first dream i had about her I had a man talk to me about how i embody Lilith. i never knew who she was before this dream. i am not sure why i think that this woman might relate to her but how she is perceived in most writings reminds me of the woman i dreamed of recently. in my mind i don’t think that Lilith was bad until they tried to make her submit to Adam when she wanted to be equal. she held many feelings that we women feel to this day… in the dream the women over powered me for a long time trying to force me into the ground. (possibly force me into hell) into negativity… she was violent and forceful with her words and physically. i started to fight back and came to a point that i gained energy. i looked at her and all of a sudden I FLEW backwards with great force and my back was against the ceiling as i was watching her. she looked at me in disbelief like she couldn’t believe that i was able to get away and then she disappeared into nothingness.

sometimes in dreams, although they might seem negative, they could be teaching us something else completely. so i am going to take the dream as a positive one and try to interpret what she could have been showing me. and why she would show me in this way. if she is related to Lilith in any type of way i want to see the similarities and will do so in the upcoming days,

the legend says that she was a night flyer. she would astral travel and fly in the night. she was perceived as a women with owl talons and wings. it is interesting that i fly in all of my dreams. I don’t just mean fly a little, i mean i fly for hundreds of miles, i fly into space and can fly from place to place and do amazing things while doing it. with this man saying that I embody her. I hope to find out more about her. the truth of who we might come from as a people. she was banned from the bible and i want to know why THE FIRST WOMAN would be taken out of THE BIG BOOK. taken away from us because a man decided that we shouldn’t know about the FIRST WOMAN that GOD HIMSELF made in his image. who was she and what did she do. did she have children. AND WHY DOES THIS MAN BELIEVE THAT I EMBODY HER. my blood type being so rare and so many connections with the blood type and the legends of Lilith and the older biblical times. something could add up and maybe this is just another puzzle piece to finding ou who i am, who i really am on a deep spiritual instinctual level.

in a way i really relate to her.. something about this world doesn’t seem right. we are made to hold back those sexual instinctual powerful energy as women. i don’t think it is supposed to be this way, was she trying to get me to fight for myself, to fight for my freedom. to use my energy that i gain from my anger to confront the hard inner demons that i may have. the negative feelings i have for myself etc. i am sure i will dream more and figure it out. I feel that all the stories ( like most myths) are a version of the truth. Lilith in my opinion is nothing more than a scorned woman seeking retribution for the wrongs done to her. When she left the garden after speaking the true name of God, I believe she was merely using it as an expression of her frustration, much like we all do today. I’ll agree the whole killing and eating babies is a little far out there and holds no real grounds to the woman she was. Actually I agree with the opinion that she wants to help new mothers and fears being recognized and scolded because of the reputation she does not deserve. In fact I believe the reason that all her children she conceives from man come out as demons is because her body was not made to bear the children of man today but the children of Adam. This being said, I think all Lilith truly wants is to be reunited with her other half, Adam. Like many couples of today, who truly love each other but just can not agree, Lilith and Adam just clashed in the same way all couples do but they were perfect for each other because they were made together ( which ever version of their creation you choose is more accurate). So in conclusion Lilith is not some monster but a loving mother who wants nothing more than her husband, whom she loves, back and the children they never had the chance to have.

Lilith is in my mind=

our deepest, sexual, creative, instinctual, left brain part of our selves. is she what women were really supposed to be and was eve made up so we would be submissive to man? the legends of Lilith was prevalent way before the bible was written or even thought up. most of Christianity was taken by PAGANISM and then twisted into their own views so that they could control the masses into believing in Christianity. in a pagan way of life, the woman is looked at as a leader as a strong and beautiful, sexual, intelligent, intuitive soul.

“Adam and Lilith never found peace together, for when he wanted to lie with her, Lilith refused, considering that the position reclining he demanded was offensive to her. Why should I lie down under you? I was also made of dust and therefore am your equal. ” As Adam tried to force obedience by force, Lilith invoked the name of God, rose into the air and left. ” Before Yahweh requirements to return to Eden, Lilith refused and was punished. He remained in the Red Sea region that was abandoned in lascivious demons, becoming the queen of the succubi.

More recently, this story has been increasingly adopted to be discussed is whether or not told in the Bible.However, beyond this step, this is not mentioned.
In the first chapter of Genesis, verse 27, it says that “God created man in his image and likeness; was created in the image of God created man and woman “ , but in the second chapter verse 18: “‘says the Lord God: “It is not good that the man should be alone ;. I’ll give you a hand to it properly, ”  and it is only in verse 22 of the second chapter, which was created to Eve. “And the rib he had taken from man, the Lord God made ​​a woman and brought her to the next man. “.
It is possible that the lilite woman was created and given verse 23 in the first chapter: “Then the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh! This shall be called Woman, because the man was taken. ”  We can see the look on Adam “… this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh … “affirming the existence of another creature who was not qualified as a woman and could not submit to him because it was independent, was in the same level of creation, of the same height of Adam. In some translations of the text “this yes …” appears as “Now, this …”, which seems to be a mistranslation, but evidence of the statement in the narrative. It is mentioned in other apocryphal books lilite name …

i will post more about that on a later date.

how could they take so much importance out of the bible. wouldn’t you think they would want us to know where we came from. who our real ancestors were?

why so many inconsistencies? I will always have questions, I am lucky that my dreams tell me more than what i learned in church, or i would have never even known that there was another woman before eve even existed… this makes me want to know more, what ELSE WAS OMITTED FROM US AS A PEOPLE!

i need to be aware of these dreams and take them as warnings and watch my life more carefully.

i will update anymore findings that i have, i do believe that if i didn’t have these dreams and card readings i could have been taken advantage of the past week. a situation came up that i could have been financially used by someone who i know. ironically a,female. but i was already having these deceit warning thoughts in my head, and made proper decisions so i wouldn’t be used.

our dreams are so powerful and as small or insignificant that they may seem, the symbolism in them can be very important.  we have to learn to follow our basic human instincts to survive, no matter how incredibly absurd they may seem at the time. if i didn’t follow my instincts in my life i would have been in some terrible situations.  the times when i didn’t follow them i HAVE found myself in some hard situations…

One of the tragedies of modern life is that sleep is often regarded as unproductive down time… an annoying habit that cannot be broken. Since sleep cannot be avoided, it is often minimized, to “get it over with” and to get on with life. And yet, from a spiritual standpoint,sleep is incredibly productive.

For while our body sleeps and our mind rests, they and “we” are put in touch with the healing and regulating currents of the universe. It is the longest part of the day that we – all of us – spend in touch with the inner worlds of God. Our dreams need to be taken seriously, they can teach and protect and evolve us into better, more aware souls.

If you think nothing happens while we are sleeping, why is it that we can go to sleep upset about a problem and wake up feeling better about it? Nothing in our situation has changed… so if nothing had gone on while sleeping, how could this happen? Yet, it is dreams that are the real evidence “something is going on” while we sleep. And part of what dreams are used for is to work through past life karma.

Why it happens depends on your level of spiritual evolution.

If you are “just getting into” greater awareness of spirituality, then “karmic dreams” are a safe way of introducing you to the greater totality of yourself… to your past lives. In other words, you can relive a traumatic past life event even if your “waking” belief system does not support belief in the “reality” of past lives.  this is why our dreams are so incredible!

If you are “already on the path”, then “karmic dreams” are a more harmonious way to work off karma. In other words, if you have past life “robbery” karma to work off, then experiencing getting your house vandalized in the dream state… is much less disruptive to your life in the future than if it had “actually” happened to you in “real life” ( like healing a broken house, etc).

Remember that karma is more about teaching than punishing… and, if you can learn lessons less painfully in the dream state, that is the surest sign of the working of a loving and compassionate universe.

in this dream i was wearing clothing from a very early time, everyone seemed to speak differently. we were on a ship from long ago, and the whole dream was very intense and seemed really important.

i was taught laws that i believe need to be brought to our attention again. we need to go back to those days in our minds and use the things we learned in our past lives to build our futures. i think that when i lived in a more simple time. i was probably happier! i was absolutely more intuned to the earth and my own feelings. the dream obviously is trying to bring a part of myself to light that i need to review again.

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i lost a close friend on monday morning. i wanted to take a second and ask for you to say a small prayer for her. it doesn’t matter if you are religious or what you believe in, i believe that when good intentions are sent that positive things can happen because of it. her name is ARIEL and her son is ZION. please take a second and send good vibes their way.

i pray that she crosses over easily and doesn’t stay earthbound for long, so she gets the opportunity to heal and help her son in the afterlife. I PRAY FOR ZION to always know how much she loved him and that she cared and lived for that boy. i pray he never loses that love he felt with her.




personal hell.


This dream took place in Missouri, i have never been there. apparently there is a historical “strip” there and a beach. There is also a high rate of crime. which i did not know until i woke up to do research.

The dream began in a considerably nice hotel. We made our way through the lobby and into a room that was paid for by a “friend”. i brought my dog with my and my current boyfriend.. we were all getting ready to go out to the “strip” it seemed to be a big party, something like new years but i am not certain. We were getting set up in our room and let our dog get comfortable. i remembered that i left something in the car, so the “friend” that let us stay in his huge suite let us borrow his very nice luxury two door car to make our way to the parking garage a few blocks away. The car in the dream was oddly small it could fit two people the driver in the front and a passenger in the back. when i got in the vehicle the bottom was cut out of the car almost like the Flintstones movie. my feet were dragging as we drove the car. Not an important part of the dream but i want to include all details that i remember as they could be important at some point. In dreams things can change at a rapid pace. as were were on our way back to the hotel my current boyfriend changed into my ex boyfriend, a very abusive boyfriend i had in the past. when we arrived to the front of the hotel we got out of the car as it was being valeted and my “boyfriend” had all of his friends meet him outside. He was very intoxicated and kept trying to leave me, he was rude and was treating me with complete disrespect. so in front of his friends i slapped him in the face. they all looked at me and they left me. i took off the other direction. i was trying to go back into the hotel to get my dog and my things, i must have taken a wrong turn and ended up on the other side of the hotel. i kept searching and searching and could never make my way back. i found myself inside an empty warehouse, then a grocery store. i kept walking assuming i would find my way back. as i was walking i found a restaurant and these guys were walking in and asked me why i was alone. i told them that my “boyfriend” now my ex left me and that i wasn’t even from the state and i couldn’t find my way back into the hotel. they were going inside a club i decided to take my chances and keep looking for the hotel. i asked directions from multiple people and i was led the wrong way again.

i was walking down a long street, a residential area with houses to my left and to my right. they were nice houses, some two story. each house was fenced, most of the fencing was at least 6ft tall. that caught my eye. two gentlemen were in their yard watering the plants. it was starting to get dark outside. i told them were i was heading and gave them a little backstory. that i wasn’t from there i was looking for my hotel and that i had lost my way. they gave me directions and i put the directions into my phone. for some reason i feel like everyone i was talking to or asking help from led me further and further away from my destination. i kept walking, i started to get concerned, because the more i walked the more the houses got smaller and the yard weren’t kept up. i came to a street intersection with a small little building on the left. more people around. i came up to a group of girls and asked them directions they told me that they would walk with me, that i shouldn’t be walking alone in the area. i told them ok and for a moment felt safer. that moment unfortunately was short lived. they walked into an alley way and when we got toward the end i saw 3 black men, one on a bicycle. robbing this other black man. they had him on the ground and were beating him and threatening him with a knife. All of the sudden the girls and everyone in the alley scattered leaving me right smack in the middle of the alley in clear view. All the men turned their heads at me, at the same time with the look in their eye that i was their next target. the man on the ground took off running. i couldn’t move, i was in shock that i was led in the alley way, that i was left in the alleyway, and now i knew that i had trouble coming. i started to back up and wanted to run but my legs wouldn’t do what my brain desperately was trying to tell them to do. the guys surrounded me, one with a knife came up to me. i started to plead with him and tell him to please not rob me that i was left in a city and i was lost and that i wasn’t there to start any trouble. that i didn’t have much money. he didn’t care, he lunged at me with the knife and cut me i fought him until i got the knife away and started to slash it in the air at him back and forth. He kept trying to hurt me so i did the unthinkable and stabbed him in the stomach, his big body dropped to the ground as some of the other men that were on foot fled the scene. only leaving him, myself and the guy on the bike. i threatened the guy on the bike i told him that i needed the bike, that they were ad people and i needed to find my way home. he wasnt having it and he chased me down the street. i ran as fast as i could until i came to a house with a light on. the guy was not far behind me so i ran to the house and started to open the screen door so i could knock on the big door. everytime i would open one door there was another door behind it with a different type of knob, i went through about 6 doors and at the seventh door, i saw the doorbell light up and i rang it, the guy on the bike had a huge box cutter and as i was trying to get inside he started slicing my legs and hands over and over and over, in between my fingers and on my face. the wounds were stinging and burning and bleeding profusely, finally, the door swung open and a Vietnamese man and women opened the door and let me in. i locked the door behind them and began to relay information about what had just taken place. telling them that i was lost and i needed to go ahead and call 911. in passed dreams i get this look from the people i am being tormented by. they look at me sideways with this look that i am food. as if they want to eat me. they gave a sideways smile and proceeded to hand me an old phone with a cord, the numbers were large print and the phone was big and boxy. some company’s still use them. i started to dial 911 and i heard them laugh at me. at that moment i started to smell the most putrid smell coming from the kitchen. it honestly smelled like death. i was startled and asked them what was going on. they both looked at me like they had me right where they wanted me and said “you will never figure out how to call the police, the numbers are mixed, hahahaha” i tried to dial other numbers like 912,900,119,999 and nothing. i was terrified and knew if i stayed there i would surely die, i ran out of the door and found myself being chased again by the man on the bike, i jumped up on a roof top and jumped from roof to roof until i had no more to jump on i ran with him hot on my tail to the closest house i could reach. i ran to the porch and the guy yelled out “uncle, she is the one who killed him” i climbed a tree and started to try to explain to him what happened, he didn’t care what happened. at that point i knew that i didn’t think i could get away. all of the sudden in my vision i saw a black woman with curly course hair, i have written about her before. i called her the witch doctor in another post. she told me that there was nothing that i could do to get away from this. that i was in hell and that i would die over and over and over and this was the way that it had to be. she was yelling and laughing with the most sinister face imaginable. i felt my skin burning from the wounds. in the back of my mind i knew that i was about to die. i knew that i couldn’t get away..

I WOKE UP WITH SEVERE PAIN IN MY LEGS, HOT BURNING SENSATIONS AS IF I WAS ACTUALLY CUT BY A BOX-CUTTER. i was terrified and again felt tormented by evil. i am not sure if it has to do with my past. my ancestors, my spirituality.


Society and culture


  • In Scandinavian folklore, sleep paralysis is caused by a mare, a supernatural creature related to incubi and succubi. The mare is a damned woman, who is cursed and her body is carried mysteriously during sleep and without her noticing. In this state, she visits villagers to sit on their rib cages while they are asleep, causing them to experience nightmares. The Swedish film Marianne examines the folklore surrounding sleep paralysis.[23]
  • Folk belief in Newfoundland, South Carolina and Georgia describe the negative figure of the hag who leaves her physical body at night, and sits on the chest of her victim. The victim usually wakes with a feeling of terror, has difficulty breathing because of a perceived heavy invisible weight on his or her chest, and is unable to move i.e., experiences sleep paralysis. This nightmare experience is described as being “hag-ridden” in the Gullah lore. The “Old Hag” was a nightmare spirit in British and also Anglophone North American folklore.[citation needed]
  • In Fiji, the experience is interpreted as kana tevoro, being “eaten” by a demon. In many cases the demon can be the spirit of a recently dead relative who has come back for some unfinished business, or has come to communicate some important news to the living. Often persons sleeping near the afflicted person say kania, kania, “eat! eat!” in an attempt to prolong the possession for a chance to converse with the dead relative or spirit and seek answers as to why he or she has come back. The person waking up from the experience is often asked to immediately curse or chase the spirit of the dead relative, which sometimes involves literally speaking to the spirit and telling him or her to go away or using expletives.[citation needed]
  • In Nigeria, “ISP appears to be far more common and recurrent among people of African descent than among whites or Nigerian Africans,”[5] and is often referred to within African communities as “the Devil on your back.”[24][25][26]
  • In Turkey sleep paralysis is called Karabasan, and is similar to other stories of demonic visitation during sleep. A supernatural being, commonly known as a jinn (cin in Turkish), comes to the victim’s room, holds him or her down hard enough not to allow any kind of movement, and starts to strangle the person. To get rid of the demonic creature, one needs to pray to Allah by reading Al-Falaq and Al-Nas from the Qur’an. Moreover, in some derivatives of the stories, the jinn has a wide hat and if the person can show the courage and take its hat, the djinn becomes his slave.
  • In Thailand it is believed that sleep paralysis and discomfort is caused by a ghost of the Thai folklore known as Phi Am (Thai: ผีอำ).[27] Some people claim that this spirit may even cause bruises.[28] Stories about this spirit are common in Thai comics.[29]
  • In the Southern states of the United States, it is sometimes referred to as “witch riding”.[30]
  • In Eastern Chinese folklore, it is thought that a mouse can steal human breath at night. Human breath strengthens the mouse, allowing it longevity and the ability to briefly become human at night, in a similar fashion to fox spirits. The mouse sits near the person’s face or under their nostrils.[citation needed]

East Asia[edit]

  • In Chinese culture, sleep paralysis is widely known as “鬼壓身/鬼压身” (pinyin: guǐ yā shēn) or “鬼壓床/鬼压床” (pinyin: guǐ yā chuáng), which literally translate into “ghost pressing on body” or “ghost pressing on bed.” A more modern term is “夢魘/梦魇” (pinyin: mèng yǎn).
  • In Japanese culture, sleep paralysis is referred to as kanashibari (金縛り), literally “bound or fastened in metal,” from “kane” (metal) and “shibaru” (to bind, to tie, to fasten). This term is occasionally used by English speaking authors to refer to the phenomenon both in academic papers and in pop psych literature.[31]
  • In Korean culture, sleep paralysis is called gawi nulim (Hangul: 가위눌림), literally, “being pressed down by something scary in a dream.” It is often associated with a belief that a ghost or spirit is lying on top of or pressing down on the sufferer.
  • In Mongolian culture, nightmares in general as well as sleep paralysis is referred to by the verb-phrase khar darakh (written kara darahu), meaning “to be pressed by the Black” or “when the Dark presses.” Karameans black, and may refer to the dark side personified. Kharin buu means “shaman of the black” (shamans of the dark side only survive in far-northern Mongolia), while tsaghaan zugiin buu means “shaman of the white direction” (referring to shamans who only invoke benevolent spirits). Compare ‘karabasan’ (the dark presser) in Turkish, which may date from pre-Islamic times when the Turks had the same religion and mythology as the Mongols. See Mythology of the Turkic and Mongolian peoples and Tengriism.
  • In Tibetan culture, sleep paralysis is often known as dip-non (གྲིབ་གནོན་ – Kham) or dip-phok (གྲིབ་ཕོག་ – Ladakh), which translates roughly as “oppressed/struck by dip“; dip, literally meaning shadow, refers to a kind of spiritual pollution.

South-East Asia[edit]

  • In Cambodian, Lao, and Thai culture sleep paralysis is called phǐǐ am (Thai pronunciation: [pʰǐi.ʔam], Lao pronunciation: [pʰǐi.ʔàm]) and khmout sukkhot. It is described as an event in which the person is sleeping and dreams that one or more ghostly figures are nearby or even holding him or her down. The sufferer is unable to move or make any noises. This is not to be confused with pee khao and khmout jool, ghost possession.
  • In Hmong culture, sleep paralysis is understood to be caused by a nocturnal pressing spirit, dab tsog. Dab tsog attacks “sleepers” by sitting on their chests, sometimes attempting to strangle them. Some believe that dab tsog is responsible for sudden unexpected nocturnal death syndrome (SUNDS), which claimed the lives of over 100 Southeast Asian immigrants in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Adler (2011) offers a biocultural perspective on sleep paralysis and the sudden deaths. She suggests that an interplay between the Brugada syndrome (a genetic cardiac disorder) and the traditional meaning of a dab tsog attack are at the heart of the sudden deaths.[32]
  • In Vietnamese culture, sleep paralysis is called ma đè, meaning “held down by a ghost,” or bóng đè, meaning “held down by a shadow.”
  • In Philippine culture, bangungut has traditionally been attributed to nightmares.[33] People who claim to survive such nightmares report symptoms of sleep paralysis.[citation needed]
  • In New Guinea, people refer to this phenomenon as Suk Ninmyo, believed to originate from sacred trees that use human essence to sustain its life. The trees are said to feed on human essence during night as to not disturb the human’s daily life, but sometimes people wake unnaturally during the feeding, resulting in the paralysis.
  • In Malay of Malay Peninsula, sleep paralysis is known as kena tindih (or ketindihan in Indonesia), which means “being pressed.”[34] Incidents are commonly considered the work of a malign agency; occurring in what are explained as blind spots in the field of vision, they are reported as demonic figures.

South Asia[edit]

  • In Kashmiri mythology this is caused by an invisible creature called a pasikdhar or a sayaa. Some people believe that a pasikdhar lives in every house and attacks somebody if the house has not been cleaned or if god is not being worshiped in the house. One also experiences this if one has been doing something evil or derives pleasure from the misfortunes of others.
  • In Pakistan, sleep paralysis is considered an encounter with Shaitan (Urdu: شيطان ) (Satan), evil jinns or demons who have taken over one’s body. Like Iran, this ghoul is known as bakhtak (Urdu: بختک) or ‘ifrit‘. It is also assumed that it is caused by the black magic performed by enemies and jealous persons. People, especially children and young girls, wear Ta’wiz (Urdu: تعویز) (Amulet) to ward off evil eye. Spells,incantations and curses could also result in ghouls haunting a person. Some homes and places are also believed to be haunted by evil ghosts, satanic or other supernatural beings and they could haunt people living there especially during the night. Muslim holy persons (Imams, Maulvis, Sufis, Mullahs, Faqirs) perform exorcism on individuals who are believed to be possessed. The homes, houses, buildings and grounds are blessed and consecrated by Mullahs or Imams by reciting Qur’an and Adhan (Urdu: أَذَان), the Islamic call to prayer, recited by the muezzin.
  • In Bangladesh, the phenomenon of sleep paralysis is referred to as boba (“speechless”).[citation needed]
  • In Tamil Nadu and Sri Lankan Tamil culture, this particular phenomenon is referred to as Amuku Be or Amuku Pei meaning “the ghost that forces one down.”[citation needed]
  • In Nepal, especially Newari culture it is also known as Khyaak, after a ghost-like figure believed to reside in the darkness under the staircases of a house.[citation needed]
  • In Pashto or Pakhtoon culture, it is known as “Khapasa”. It is believed that it is a ghost without thumb fingers. The ghost tries to suffocate you by pressing your throat and sitting on your chest. However, since the ghost has no thumbs finger that’s why it can’t suffocate effectively by using just the index and middle fingers of both hands.

Middle-East, Western and Central Asia[edit]

  • In Arabic Culture, sleep paralysis is often referred to as Ja-thoom (Arabic: جاثوم‎), literally “What sits heavily on something”. In folklore across Arab countries, the Ja-thoom is believed to be a shayṭān or a ‘ifrīt sitting on top of the person or is also choking him. It is said that it can be prevented by sleeping on your right side and reading the Throne Verse of the Quran.
  • In Turkish culture, sleep paralysis is often referred to as karabasan (“the dark presser/assailer”). It is believed to be a creature that attacks people in their sleep, pressing on their chest and stealing their breath. However, folk legends do not provide a reason why the devil or ifrit does that.
  • In Persian culture it is known as bakhtak (Persian: بختک), which is a ghost-like creature that sits on the dreamer’s chest, making breathing hard for him/her.
  • In Kurdish culture, sleep paralysis is often referred to as motakka. It is believed to be a demon that attacks people in their sleep, and particularly children of young age, and steals their breath away as they breathe heavily and keeps it out of reach.


  • Ogun Oru is a traditional explanation for nocturnal disturbances among the Yoruba of Southwest Nigeria; ogun oru (“nocturnal warfare”) involves an acute night-time disturbance that is culturally attributed to demonic infiltration of the body and psyche during dreaming. Ogun oru is characterized by its occurrence, a female preponderance, the perception of an underlying feud between the sufferer’s earthly spouse and a “spiritual” spouse, and the event of bewitchment through eating while dreaming. The condition is believed to be treatable through Christian prayers or elaborate traditional rituals designed to exorcise the imbibed demonic elements.[35]
  • In Zimbabwean Shona culture the word Madzikirira is used to refer something strongly pressing one down. This mostly refers to the spiritual world in which some spirit—especially an evil one—tries to use its victim for some evil purpose. The people believe that witches can only be people of close relations to be effective, and hence a witches often try to use one’s spirit to bewitch one’s relatives.
  • In Ethiopian culture the word dukak (ዱካክ, “depression”) is used, which is believed to be an evil spirit that possesses people during their sleep. Some people believe this experience is a symptom of withdrawal from the stimulant khat. The evil spirit dukak is an anthropomorphic personification of the depression that often results from the act of quitting chewing khat. ‘Dukak’ often appears in hallucinations of the quitters and metes out punishments to its victims for offending him by quitting. The punishments are often in the form of implausible physical punishments (e.g., the dukak puts the victim in a bottle and shakes the bottle vigorously) or outrageous tasks the victim must perform (e.g., swallow a bag of gravel).[36]
  • In Swahili speaking areas of Southeast Africa, it is known as jinamizi (“Strangled by Jinn“), which refers to a creature sitting on one’s chest making it difficult for him/her to breathe. It is attributed to result from a person sleeping on his back. Most people also recall being strangled by this ‘creature’.
  • In the Moroccan culture, Sleep Paralysis is known as Bou Rattat, which means a demon that presses and covers the sleeper’s body so they cannot move or speak.


  • In Finnish folk culture sleep paralysis is called unihalvaus (dream paralysis), but the Finnish word for nightmare, painajainen, is believed to originally have meant sleep paralysis, as it’s formed from the wordpainaja, which translates to pusher or presser, and the diminutive suffix -nen.
  • In Hungarian folk culture sleep paralysis is called lidércnyomás (lidérc pressing) and can be attributed to a number of supernatural entities like lidérc (wraith), boszorkány (witch), tündér (fairy) or ördögszerető(demon lover).[37] The word boszorkány itself stems from the Turkish root bas-, meaning “to press.”[38]
  • In Iceland folk culture sleep paralysis is generally called having a Mara. A goblin or a succubus (since it is generally female) believed to cause nightmares (the origin of the word ‘Nightmare’ itself is derived from an English cognate of her name). Other European cultures share variants of the same folklore, calling her under different names; Proto-Germanic: marōn; Old English: mære; German: Mahr; Dutch: nachtmerrie; Icelandic, Old Norse, Faroese, and Swedish: mara; Danish: mare; Norwegian: mare; Old Irish: morrigain; Croatian, Bosnian, Serbian, Slovene: môra; Bulgarian, Polish: mara; French: cauchemar; Romanian:moroi; Czech: můra; Slovak: mora. The origin of the belief itself is much older, back to the reconstructed Proto Indo-European root mora-, an incubus, from the root mer- “to rub away” or “to harm.”
  • In Malta, folk culture attributes a sleep paralysis incident to an attack by the Haddiela, who is the wife of the Hares, an entity in Maltese folk culture that haunts the individual in ways similar to a poltergeist.[citation needed] As believed in folk culture, to get rid of the Haddiela, one must place a piece of silverware or a knife under the pillow prior to sleep.
  • In Greece and Cyprus, it is believed that sleep paralysis occurs when a ghost-like creature or Demon named Mora, Vrahnas or Varypnas (Greek: Μόρα, Βραχνάς, Βαρυπνάς) tries to steal the victim’s speech or sits on the victim’s chest causing asphyxiation.[citation needed]
  • In Catalonia legend and popular culture, the Pesanta is an enormous dog (or sometimes a cat) that goes into people’s houses in the night and puts itself on their chests making it difficult for them to breathe and causing them the most horrible nightmares. The Pesanta is black and hairy, with steel paws, but with holes so it can’t take anything.[citation needed]
  • In Sardinia, one of Italy‘s islands, there is an old belief that identifies the cause of sleep paralysis in a demoniac being called “Ammuttadori”. This ghoulish creature sits in the chest of the sleeping victim, suffocating him and, sometimes, ripping the skin with his nails. It is also believed, in some parts of the island, that this demon wears seven red caps on his head: if the victim resists the pain and succeeds to steal one of the caps, he will soon find a hidden treasure as a reward. [39]
  • In Latvian folk culture sleep paralysis is called a torture or strangling by Lietuvēns. It is thought to be a soul of a killed (strangled, drowned, hanged) person and attacks both people and domestic animals. When under attack, one must move the toe of the left foot to get rid of the attacker.[40]


  • During the Salem witch trials several people reported night-time attacks by various alleged witches, including Bridget Bishop, that may have been caused by sleep paralysis.[41]
  • In Mexico, it is believed that this is caused by the spirit of a dead person. This ghost lies down upon the body of the sleeper, rendering him unable to move. People refer to this as “subirse el muerto” (dead person on you).[42]
  • In many parts of the Southern United States, the phenomenon is known as a hag, and the event is said to portend an approaching tragedy or accident.[citation needed]
  • In Newfoundland, it is known as the ‘Old Hag’.[43] In island folklore, the Hag can be summoned to attack a third party, like a curse. In his 1982 book, The Terror that Comes in the Night, David J. Hufford writes that in local culture the way to call the Hag is to recite the Lord’s Prayer backwards.
  • In contemporary western culture the phenomenon of supernatural assault are thought[by whom?] to be the work of what are known as shadow people. Victims report primarily three different entities, a man with a hat, the old hag noted above, and a hooded figure.[44] Sleep paralysis is known to involve a component of hallucination in 20% of the cases, which may explain these sightings. Sleep paralysis in combination with hallucinations has long been suggested as a possible explanation for reported alien abduction.[45]
  • Several studies show that African-Americans may be predisposed to isolated sleep paralysis—known in folklore as “the witch is riding you” [24][25] or “the haint is riding you.”[26] Other studies show that African-Americans who experience frequent episodes of isolated sleep paralysis, i.e., reporting having one or more sleep paralysis episodes per month coined as “sleep paralysis disorder,” were predisposed to panic attacks.[46] This finding has been replicated by other independent researchers.[47][48]
  • In Brazil, there is a legend about a mythological being called the pisadeira (“she who steps”). She is described as a tall, skinny old woman, with long dirty nails in dried toes, white tangled hair, a long nose, staring red eyes, and greenish teeth on her evil laugh. She lives over the roofs, waiting to step on the chest of those who sleep with a full stomach



I have not written every dream i have had because it seems when i dive into the bad ones and write and research about them i tend to continue to have these dreams. I have been trying to clear away the negative dreams because they have become overwhelming at times. Honestly my life has been very overwhelming to the point that i have been too exhausted mentally to write them anyway.

My daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy, it has been a very difficult situation to wrap my head around and has engulfed my life with every emotion possible, in case you were wondering, it is possible.

Alot of my life has been put on the backburner. Including taking care of myself. She has trouble sleeping at night and i am not getting adequate sleep, sometimes only going on 4 hours of sleep. possible why i am not have many significant dreams that i really want to write or talk about. i have had a few that i will find the time to write. This dream is something i have no choice but to write because of the lucidity of the dream.

I havent been feeling well since new years eve. i have been going on being sick for a total of 9 days. Very sick with the flu. This dream came when i was feeling my worst.

I am not sure who the women were in the dream but they were important none the less.

I went into somewhat of a therapy session. It seemed to be in the future, or just very advanced.

It was a bright room but the lights were tinted. The colors were so calming and clear.

I felt like a new born that this was where I was supposed to be, no other reason to be anywhere else. no longing for anything else. just there. there was a woman with long hair she was in this huge bath tub in the middle of this large subtle room. The room was white with blue stripes and sleek white tiles covering the walls and the floors. she had me come into the water and she looked at me and says .”well let me bath you now!” it did not feel wrong. it felt like this is where i was meant to be. she had a motherly feeling. unconditional caring.

i knew with my soul that it was ok. she submerged into the water. i do not think i even needed to breath. she gently swirled me under the water like in a whirlpool she showed me different techniques to help my back,  if you know what a sensory machine is, the entire room felt somewhat like this machine. the nothingness that surrounded me was better than anything i felt in this secondary life. life here seems so heavy, so full of turmoil and stress. the water here has been tainted, polluted. this water was so light and tranquil. i was immersed in the closest thing to my own mothers womb. with only the sounds of my own heart beat and the water as it wrapped around my body.  it gave me a sense of self i haven’t yet felt before. i am, i am something greater than i ever expected, we have the ability to heal ourselves through dreams, to connect with the deepest parts of our souls, too connect with our guides our ancestors, our past lives and to connect with everything that has ever taken a breath around us. we are apart of something greater than ourselves. if we could just open ourselves up. allow ourselves to be healed. allow our own souls to do what it was intended to do. allow ourselves to connect with our high selves. our deepest troubles could be brought to light if we just open our hearts to it. She connected with me on a very deep level. she knew my fears and my weaknesses she knew my pain. she focused on parts of my body that i carry the most pain  and weight in. she knew me. she knew the parts of me that i hide from everyone. in fear of becoming vulnerable.

she had me leave the bath and look around the room. i closed my eyes so i could “see” what was around me.

im not sure about you but if a room is really dark i do not try to see by squinting my eyes or trying as hard as i can to see… I CLOSE MY EYES. I FOLLOW MY INTUITION, I ALLOW MY HEART TO LEAD THE WAY.

she had all of these different tools around the room. on shelves. asking me to pick what i was drawn to. she wanted me to use them in the bath to support my back and to roll over it back and forth so my back could stretch and the muscle pain would have some relief.. the room as so serene, i felt unconditional kindness radiating from her, she as there to help me, to comfort me, i think she was there to heal me. the bath tub was warm, the water was so pure and i was weightless in the water, it as crystal clear but at the same time, see through ocean blue the water felt different as if it was lighter than the water we have here on this earth.

 i felt no pain and had absolutely no fear or anxiety. the colors i remember were white and offwhite, blues, pastel, light hints of colors. some of the tools were gray.

 i remember another woman standing beside the bath in the beginning of the dream. the dream almost seemed surreal, because it was so perfect.  she was focused on my head, she would place her hands on the back of my head and gently use my head as her guide as she twirled me in circles under the water.  She had full control over my body, as if she sent healing vibrations through me, it was very calm, i remember subtle sounds from the movements i made under the water, i spent a long time under the water and felt no need to breath. 

bathing in dream dictionary, cleansing, out with the old in with the new, I was sick this night it was a huge (full moon) under 40′ , very cold.

“Do you feel you haven’t “come clean” about something? Where are you feeling guilt in your life? Feeling burdened with “dirt” and unable to find a place to bathe indicates that you may not know how to change the situation or your role in it. “A dream such as this can be a good prompt to ask for help,” she explains. “Talking the situation through with an objective person will help you sort out your feelings and enable you to ‘let go’ of the emotional residue.”

Bath Bathing

For many people the bath links with feelings of being able to relax and spend time alone without demands from other people. Therefore it indicates relaxation; cleansing; wanting to ‘come clean’ or be rid of guilt.

Such cleansing could depict a change of heart or forgiveness where old feelings are washed away. To do this you may need to cry or release and ‘wash out’ long held emotions.

But some bathing dreams or fantasies often depict the bath as a form or ritual which is getting one ready for something, perhaps a new experience, or the deepening of ones experience in an important area of your life, such as sexuality. Such an initiation might involve the meeting with your feelings or fears about relationship or your life situation – perhaps meeting your own male/female self more fully.

Bathing also includes nakedness, and therefore vulnerability, the revealing of your secrets or things you are sensitive or ashamed of. This might embody marriage/relationship intimacy.

If you are in the bath with someone then it can suggest being immersed in an influence of some sort; deep sharing, perhaps blending of qualities.

Some dreams show bathing as a powerful change or renewal and may sometimes relate to feelings about life in the womb.

I have been feeling like i have no control over my situation lately, no control over my daughters seizures and no control over the outcome of my life. I have been completely overwhelmed with emotion, having absolutely no idea what to do next.

Today i feel alright, i cannot change what is going on, but i can help her be as comfortable as possible. I can keep her healthy, our environment healthy. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. although this tunnel is very long. 

until next time.


into the unknown.

in my life things have been up in the air lately. so the symbolism in this dream makes complete sense to me. it is not a long dream but it was an intense dream something that resonates with me as i started to work through the meaning of it.

in the dream i was on the ground and i was worried about everything in my life feeling heavy and burdened. when suddenly i was launched into the sky as if catapulted from a cannon. it happened without any warning just as most difficult things tend to happen.

i was facing the earth as i was launched in the heavens, as i was flying up and feeling the g forces i started to become lucid, i became aware that i was dreaming and that i was being launched into a place so unknown to me, into an endless sea of stars and space never to return again. usually when i am lucid and i am flying without any control i will get very scared and i will slam back into my body with great force and wake up. i have had countless flying dreams, in those dreams i have a bit more control and can fly from one place to the next. i can fly over mountains and cities and swoop down over great lakes and into valleys. i have began to allow myself to fight through the fear and continue on even if completely overwhelmed with emotions that are very hard to convey in writing.

this time was different, although i was fearful i didn’t allow myself to wake up. i allowed myself to feel all of the feelings, to watch the ground and not fear where i was going or how i would ultimately get back down. something about this dream made me feel so connected to everything around me, i was filled with information and emotion. filled with a sense of purpose, that the dream had great meaning and was meant for ME!

as i flew into the atmosphere i started to get all of the things out of my pockets and throw it to the ground just to watch it fall.. first was my phone, i grabbed it out of my pocket as i was being tossed into the sky by some unknown force and threw it to the ground watching it sway back and forth in the swirling wind until it hit the ground and shattered, i threw my keys and anything else i found in my pockets. i felt a sense of relief as i threw these unneeded things to the ground to break into a million pieces never to be in my thoughts again, never to consume my my tired mind.

i kept going up and up and up until i could see the curvature of the earth, i had finally allowed myself to break free from the gravitational pull that keeps my body trapped to this earth. i have felt heavier than usual lately. not in the sense of overweight but heavy in my heart, as if my soul is holding onto to much. holding onto not only my emotions but the emotions and pain of those around me. i have always had empathy for the ones that i love and i would allow myself to take their pain and feel their worry so for even just a moment they could be comfortable again and i have been this way since childhood. i felt things that most children did not feel. i felt the worry of my parents, i felt the pain i took on emotions that adults took on emotions, pain, and fear that no child should ever take on…, somewhere along the line i kept it i didn’t release it and it has consumed too much of my time and it is something i do not need to do to myself anymore.

something about this dream made me realize that i hold onto a lot of unnecessary weight that i can just toss back to the earth to be cleansed and never have to worry about it again. i allow my “pockets” to be filled with useless worry and fear.. i take on responsibility that is not mine to take.

i have been feeling very out of control as if being launched into the unknown without any way back down.. i have filled my head with so much fear and worry that it is literally weighing me down. weighing me down so much that i felt nothing else.

it is time for me to let things happen the way they are suppose to instead of self sabotaging and allowing so much fear, and worry and pain to weigh me down. to stop allowing those around me to suck my energy and to fill me with emotions that are not mine. to protect myself from negative people, people who have no interest in my well being.

i am going to allow the world to take its course but in the process learn to weed out all of the unnecessary emotions that i cannot control.

that being said.

 i am a stubborn individual and i need to learn to release and let go, change is hard for me! i deserve to be happy and to feel content with life. if it takes me separating myself from the individuals and things that cause me pain, that is what i will do.

until next time. ~autumn

as he ran through me.

i started to become very ill after i had my child. i was very sick all of the time and really thought that i might now make it through whatever was going on within my body.

i had a huge influx of dreams around that time. maybe because i had so many questions unanswered at the moment that i was “in my head all of the time” always wondering what i was going to do next.

i started to dream of a native american man. he was dressed in traditional wear. i felt connected to him, as if he was related to me or watched over me.

The dream started out with him in a great hurry, I felt as though he was running from someone or something and was trying to get away from whatever it was before it caught up with him. He was running around this teepe searching for an item. As i watched from above, i noticed him grab a beaded necklace. The beads were made out of walnuts and they were painted beautifully and very well taken care of. They were special and i knew that. he grabbed the beads and a few viles of something and started sprinting to the opening of what looked like a cave.

In the dream i could see from above, but i could also see what he was seeing, from his point of view. He made his way to the entrance of the cave and started to shake the beads furiously as he pranced through the opening. I started to sense what he was doing and at that point i knew that the cave was in the shape of my insides. They were in the shape of my intestines. This is something that i just knew. When i gathered this information, i knew that he was desperately trying to heal me before something bad entered “my cave”, he seemed very intune with what he was doing and very determined to make it through the cave before anything entered that wasnt suppose to be there. i saw many things in the cave. including a raven, a bear, and a few other animals. i saw beautiful art painted on the walls and the cave was carved out so perfectly.  He almost seemed like he was in a trance, he instinctively danced and sang through the cave as if he had been through it a number of times. just like a shaman would do.

Could this man be a spiritual guide? Could he have been healing me from whatever was making me very sick during this time. I had many healing dreams around the time of my sickness. I had very detailed dreams and communicated through them with many different types of spirits and animals. i also had ravens that would follow our vehicle down the street. some would sit outside of my house on the light pole cawing until i made my way outside. at one point i was on our motorcycle and had a raven fly right next to us and allow us miles down the street until we reached the highway. on another occasion we were camping. at this particular campsite you are only allowed to buy firewood from the front and not cut any down. so i traveled around our campsite to find small starter pieces that were already on the ground. i found a beautiful spot and layed rocks down in a circle so i could meditate in the middle. a huge brown raven circled the camp for a long period of time until i decided to go back out to find wood… on the search for wood he cawed at me, it startled me and i dropped the wood i had at that exact moment someone was walking next to the camp. im sur if they would have seen me i would have been talked to about grabbing wood. this happened 3 more times. every time he would caw another person would be walking by.  ravens are such magical creatures. they will warn animals when hunters are around. the raven became my teacher. i researched and painted him for weeks and felt such a close bond to him. i have a few that live directly behind my house. they will sit outside and watch me and caw at me. of course i caw back.

Over the past 5 years i have had this inner feeling that i need to be doing something very important. something within me that just doesn’t seem to want to go away. the more i ignored it, the louder it became. until it haunted me so much that i almost thought i was losing my mind. it isn’t until i started to accept that this will continue to be my life. i started to feel better, the dreams are still there, the weird spirits and entities who invade them are still there. the loving dreams of family members not on this earth anymore. The sense of knowing i get on a daily basis. The warnings in dreams. All of this is my life. I am like my great-grandmother and Her mother before that and so on.

this is an excerpt about shamans. it makes so much sense to me and what i have been going though.

How do people become shamans? It begins with a calling — not always in the sense of a “spiritual vocation,” which implies a desire on the part of the shaman-elect to become a healer, like someone who wishes to become a priest might have, but a calling from the spirits themselves who have recognized the natural gifts and skills of that person and have chosen him to become their ambassador on Earth and a partner in their work, sometimes irrespective of his own wishes.

Often the call begins as a whisper — with an awareness on the part of the shaman-to-be that the world is not quite as he has been taught to view it, that there are signs, subtleties, and shades of meaning out there, not black-and-white scientific or mathematical certainties. He may have “special knowledge” — the ability to see, hear, and know things that others do not — for example, a future-seeing awareness of things yet to happen or an “active imagination” that sees spirits where others just see common reality.

If the shaman ignores these signs and does not explore what they might mean, than the whispers of spirit may get louder until they become a roar. If he still ignores them, then typically the shaman-to-be will enter what it known as an initiatory crisis.

A mysterious illness of a mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual nature — or even all four at once — may suddenly afflict him, for which there is no known cause and often no orthodox cure. Such is the story of Black Elk, who was close to death as a child and could not be saved by medical or shamanic healing, but only by the spirits themselves.

It is so difficult to explain to some people who i believe spirits are just as real as we are. That there is an unseen world out there that most people do not even know exists, but exists to me. so much so that i feel as if my feet are stepping in both worlds at once. How in the world do i explain to people, doctors, psychiatrists, friends, family, that i sense something so difficult to explain and it affects my life. The battle i have waged within myself is a difficult one. Never really knowing who to trust, never knowing who to turn to. I live in a place, far from a real shaman. I need answers, i need to know i am not alone in this world.

That i am not the only one experiencing two worlds at the same time.

As i sit here under this super moon. I feel so interconnected with the earth. Seems to be my only friend at the moment. How can i feel so alone in a world full of people?

I welcome my dreams tonight, in hopes that i receive some answer on what my next step is. I am a dream shaman. just like my ancestors were.

“The very act of painting or engraving the images evoked these same animal spirits, or transformed shaman-spirit-animals, calling them from the underworld through the cave walls into their presence. In this way their supernatural power and the experience of it became palpable and accessible to those present.

The word Shaman is derived from the Tungus language of Siberia and is usually translated as “one who knows” or
“one who sees in the dark”. Traditionally, Shamans were those members of a community who experienced vivid and
powerful dreams and it is in the language of the dreamtime that the Shaman receives his/her power. Many modern
day practitioners, however, do not use dreaming as a basis for shamanic practice, preferring to explore the different
levels of reality in an altered state of consciousness. This can be achieved quite easily by the use of sound (e.g.
drumming) or silent meditation. Traditionally, Shamans would use hallucinogenic plants in order to access the
hidden realms, but in contemporary shamanic practice hallucinogens are used rarely, and are not recommended for
use in Shamanic dreamwork.

Shamanic journeys are undertaken in order to access knowledge or healing, conduct soul retrieval or find power
animals. During such journeys one can meet all manner of beings to whom one can request and receive help,
teaching, protection, healing and guidance. The essence of these powerful beings is thought to be beyond our
understanding and, therefore, unexplained, but Shaman’s talk about them as if they were “real” three-dimensional
entities. This can mislead those unfamiliar with Shamanic practice, who may be inclined to believe that there is a
naivety about the Shamanic view of the world. It is perhaps better to describe these beings as visual symbols
constructed by our conscious mind to represent an entity or energy beyond our normal range of perception. The
experienced Shamanic practitioner knows that these other worlds and the beings that populate them are just as real
as the realm described by most people as “everyday reality”, and can affect our lives in both negative and positive
ways. In addition, the experienced journeyer knows that the veil separating the worlds is thin and is easily breached,
and that the energy contacted in one reality can manifest in another. Thus, omens and synchronistic events are
taken very seriously by those on the Shamanic path and their messages are acted upon.
Shamanic journeying can be in any of the three main realms; the Lower World, the Upper World and the Middle
World. Within these worlds there are an infinite number of other worlds and in order for you to participate in
shamanic dream work, it will be helpful that you have at least a rudimentary knowledge of the three main worlds.”


“Lewis-Williams is a firm believer that the artwork of the caves are depictions of what our ancestors witnessed in their visions: enigmatic lines, strange patterns, followed by animals. They form a logical sequence of what anyone today still sees in their own hallucinogenic experiences. Such patterns are known from anthropological studies of shamanic cultures, who equally often used hallucinogenic substances to enter the Otherworld.
He further argues that many paintings seem to “rise” out of the rock. The paintings “transform” the natural shape of the rock, in the same way that our observation would be transformed under the influence of hallucinogenic substances. The act of painting was therefore bringing the visions of the Otherworld into this reality: creating the Otherworld here, in the deepest reaches of the Underworld.

Most of the animals depicted in the scenes were healthy. Many anthropologists have identified that the shaman, in his voyage to the Otherworld is either transformed in or aided by an animal, often totemic in nature. This animal acts as his “spirit guide”, or his “power animal”. Animals were often chosen for a particular quality, such as the ability of flight for birds. By Egyptian times, the gods would become identified with totemic animals, such as Thoth’s ibis, or Sekhmet’s lion. Each of the depicted animals has specific qualities, which would identify them for such an identification.”

i am an artist and have been my entire life. when i am over emotional or angry or need space. i paint,draw,cut paste. anything that i can do to CREATE!

my dreams come out in my art… to have such a similar connection with animals, art and the dreamworld helps me to understand that even though i am in a new age. my roots will always go back to that primitive state.

dreams are so powerful and can teach us more about life and ourselves then we could have ever imagined. dreaming has a huge purpose. helps us to figure out what we need to do, helps us to heal from all of the hurts we go through and pain we suffer during this life time. i do not understand how someone could go through their day not thinking or questioning who we REALLY ARE. what our souls mean and what this journey is for here on earth.i do this all day everyday. it is imperative to question everything in my opinion. we need to learn from our mistakes as well as learn from others. we need to research our heritage and figure out why we feel the way we feel. we are CONNECTED TO THE SPIRIT WORLD WHETHER WE KNOW IT OR NOT. and whether we like it or not……  it comes out in our dreams and in our waking life. some just need to open their eyes to the beauty hidden behind the veil.

our connection with animals is undeniable. understanding eachothers emotional needs. learning from their habits and them learning from ours. animals connect with us through our dreams and are such a huge part of a native americans culture. something we need to teach our children so they can teach theirs and so on.

afterall we are but spirits having a “human experience” i think the same goes for animals.Strom-Strid